10 Reasons Big Boobs Are Not So Awesome

I read Kate Fridkis’ recent essay about small boobs with a mix of fascination and envy. As someone who’s had double Ds since junior high, the small boob experience is totally foreign to me, although I’ve wished for smaller boobs on many occasions. Large b-----s are idolized in pop culture, but the experience of actually walking around with two watermelons attached to your chest? Well, sometimes it’s awesome, and sometimes it’s decidedly not awesome. Here’s why…

1. Large b-----s attract a ton of attention, whether you want it or not.

2. Finding a sports bra that’s comfortable, supportive, and doesn’t make you hunch you over like Quasimodo is an epic challenge. Honestly, running a marathon is a piece of cake compared to finding a bra to wear while you do it.

3. It’s hard to find regular bras that are sexy and youthful. Large cup sizes tend to look like nursing bras.

4. When you have big boobs, simple activities like running through a rainy parking lot or doing jumping jacks at the gym make you look like an extra from “The Man Show.” And jumping on a trampoline? Forget about it!

5. On a packed subway train, the part of your body most likely to graze a stranger is your b-----s. Awkward.

6. Contrary to popular belief, big boobs aren’t usually very perky. I guess it’s because of this thing called gravity, but most people don’t seem to have heard of it.

7. You can pretty much never go without a bra. Well, I guess you can, but again, with that whole gravity thing working against you, it’s a risky proposition.

8. Cleavage isn’t always appropriate, but unless your wardrobe is comprised exclusively of turtlenecks, it’s difficult to avoid.

9. You know those stick-on bra cups? Totally useless. You might as well put a little hat on your areola.

10.Clothes that look effortless and elegant on small-breasted women look totally sexed-up on large-breasted women. Examples: strapless dresses, slinky evening gowns, button-up shirts (hello gaping buttons!), and anything sheer.

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